Daddy Dearest
by puppyz1
Summary: Hermione is Voldemort's kid... need I say anymore? She has some big secrets that no one knows! Voldemort thinks that she should marry a pureblood like Malfoy but her heart will always belong to Gryffindor! Rated M for swearing and dirty jokes! enjoy!
1. Intro

Daddy Dearest

Nicole Toovey – puppyz1

This is the first Harry Potter fan-fic I've ever done so please don't be horrible. You can leave criticism but don't tell me I suck or anything… How about when you leave criticism you leave something good too? Thanks to everyone who's reading this and BTW I'm English so it will be different…

There will be swearing! I also don't mean to offend anyone!

Hermione thinks of herself and Anna as different people so that's important!

Do not expect goody-goody Hermione expect hard, awesome, relaxed Anna!


	2. Anna intro

My name is Anna T, you will have heard of me as I am the most successful performer in history but some of you don't know I'm her and know me as Hermione Granger.

I would never ask you to understand why at Hogwarts I hide my true identity but it's because I'm always used, treated differently or liked for my name rather than for me. So for Hogwarts, my school, I wear a wig, a suit that minimises my curves and **a lot** of make-up.

I also made up a story that my parents were dentists when really my Dad's a performer too and my Mum's both our lawyers.

I made myself a spod, a geek, an outcast. I'm ashamed of how nerdy I made myself but its necessary and I still go out secretly and perform and get drunk when they think I'm at the library. Ssh! But I can never truly escape from fame so was forced to be friends with Harry Potter.

In real life I am curvy, big boobs-small waist. I have long-ish black hair that's always manageable and straight. I am taller than Hermione because I would hunch over my books and bag etc.


	3. No shit Sherlock

Sitting on my sofas were some of the people I hated most in the world: Severus Snape, Bellatrix Lestrange and Lucius Malfoy. Holy shit! Why does stuff like this happen to me?

I still stood there frozen staring at the people occupying my sofas; we were still for a few more seconds when Snape broke the silence

"Just because you're frozen doesn't mean we can't see you!" he confirmed

I moved my arm slightly "how about now?" I replied, they replied by shaking their heads. I dropped my arms in frustration "shit!" I moaned

"Don't swear in front of your teachers," Snape preached

I smirked at him "yes sir," I mock saluted him

"Severus, get on with it." Lucius drawled while Bellatrix looked like she could hardly contain herself "go on Bella" he told her impatiently.

She squealed and practically jumped on me wanting to hug me. What the fuck? Bellatrix Lestrange evilest woman in the world is hugging me… how fucking out of character…

"We can be girlfriends and shop and gossip and chillax, I think you kids say I don't care we can be BFFs…" OMG

"Good god Bella, you're scaring the poor thing even more! Poor girl!" Snape tried to hold back his laughter, Lucius was smirking as usual. She stuck her tongue out at him.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I yelled eventually

"What?" Bellatrix said innocently

"Cut the crap, bitch," I told her

"What the hell?" Lucius asked confused

"Don't start with that shit, arsehole," I back chatted

"Stop people," Snape attempted to finish but I got madder

"Don't you dare fucking tell me to stop, who the fuck do you think you are? Bastard," I started on him.

"Shut up!" he shouted so I slapped him "Ow, what the hell? You slapped me!"

"No shit Sherlock!" I rolled my eyes then I said very slowly "what the fuck do you want?" in my normal voice I asked "do you understand?"

"You are not who you think you are." he told me

"That is the worst comeback I've ever heard 'you are not who you think you are' that's worse than bursting into tears and muttering 'leave me alone' seriously,"

"Seriously, your name is Anna," he 'informed' me

"Well done! I knew that thanks,"

He sighed "your name is Anna Sabrina Riddle,"

"No it ain't," I countered

"Isn't not ain't," he corrected

"Fine, no it isn't,"

"Yes it is,"

"I may not be the best grammatical speaker but I know that's not what I mean,"

"You are adopted. Your real parents are Lord Voldemort and an unknown female."

"Dun dun dunn," I sung "whatever asshole!"

"It's true," Bellatrix said

"Why don't you believe him?" Lucius asked

"I don't know, jackass, why do you think I don't believe him? Come on think real hard..." I asked sarcastically

I am currently sat on my bed looking at 3 people I hate sitting on my sofa, how fabulous (please note sarcasm) then to make things all better (lots of sarcasm) Chelli ran in and jumped on me making Lucius and Bellatrix stare at her due to the fact that they had no idea she existed.

"We are supposed to take you to Riddle Manor along with your luggage and anyone who sees us..." Lucius trailed off

"Aw poor you, not being able to comply one of his orders,"

"oh don't worry about us," Bellatrix smirked evilly

"trust me, I wasn't about to," I murmured she frowned

"we will be able to do the task efficiently enough with or with out your help." she continued

"I'd like to see you try,"

Then she flew at me I chucked a big gush of wind at her and grabbed my wand, she shot a torture spell at me so I blocked it and it bounced of my shield and hit her. I grabbed Chelli and pushed her out the door while shooting hexes at Snape and Lucius; following her downstairs. I pushed her towards the door and into the garage where we grabbed my broom. I heard Chelli make a muffled scream and span 'round, to see…


	4. Snape Kills Chelli?

Snape had my sister, his hand covering her mouth and his wand at her neck. He whispered a curse I knew would make her slowly suffocate but it would take about 10-15 minutes but was way worse than killing instantly. I could see she only had 5 minutes because she's only a kid.

"Let her go, Snape," I ordered

"Err… how about no?"

"How about do it?"

"No,"

"Yes,"

"Only if you come with us,"

I looked away "fine, I'll come with you if you let her go,"

"Okay, come with us first, it'll take a few minutes to get there but she's our bargaining tool so…" Lucius said appearing around the corner, asshole, he knows what spell Snape put on.

"you may be right Lucius," Snape agreed

"We don't care about the child we only want Anna…"

Chelli tried to scream again but this time from the pain that would get worse quickly as well as the shock. Bellatrix grinned evilly and stroked Chelli's hair. I know I have to let him do what he wants to but I really don't want to.

"You know she'll die in a few minutes, what do you want from me? I can't give you anything else! I mean it, Leave Chelsea alone!" Snape wouldn't kill her… would he?

Snape practically chucked her at me "come on."

Lucius and Bellatrix started having a go at him

I walked up to them with everything I thought I would need in my handbag.

They grabbed me and we apparated away to Riddle Manor, my new home?


	5. Gothic Riddle Manor

We got there instantly, I did the counter-charm on Chelli and turned around to see Riddle Manor; it was only slightly bigger than my house, it has darker bricks than most houses do, a few windows with black-out curtains on all of them apart from 2 which were in the roof (attics), the doors were huge, yes doors, and they were made of wood, possibly ash or something, I don't know…

There were black and purple roses in neat little flowerbeds that gave the place an elegant Goth feel to it. The grass was lush and soft underneath my heeled boots. The bars on the gates were made of small detailed snakes, very gothic.

Chelli squeezed my hand and when I looked down the message was clear she was terrified more than she had ever been before. She doesn't have similar to this every year of her life… hahaha her life is boring! But I squeezed her hand back in a comforting gesture and grinned at her.

We walked in with my escorts; I had Chelli sat on my hip so I could stop anyone attacking her but also to comfort us both.

We walked down some dark halls and through a couple of doors, arches and paintings until we stopped in front of another door but this one was pure black with a black crystal handle, there was a creepy green light coming from around it. Then Lucius opened it for us and we stepped in.


	6. Depressing Hell Hole

We got there instantly, I did the counter-charm on Chelli and turned around to see Riddle Manor; it was only slightly bigger than my house, it has darker bricks than most houses do, a few windows with black-out curtains on all of them apart from 2 which were in the roof (attics), the doors were huge, yes doors, and they were made of wood, possibly ash or something, I don't know…

There were black and purple roses in neat little flowerbeds that gave the place an elegant Goth feel to it. The grass was lush and soft underneath my heeled boots. The bars on the gates were made of small detailed snakes, very gothic.

Chelli squeezed my hand and when I looked down the message was clear she was terrified more than she had ever been before. She doesn't have similar to this every year of her life… hahaha her life is boring! But I squeezed her hand back in a comforting gesture and grinned at her.

"How depressing is this, huh?" I ask rhetorically

We walked in with my escorts; I had Chelli sat on my hip so I could stop anyone attacking her but also to comfort us both.

We walked down some dark halls and through a couple of doors, arches and paintings until we stopped in front of another door but this one was pure black with a black crystal handle, there was a creepy green light coming from around it. Then Lucius opened it for us and we stepped in.


	7. Voldemort

There was a black-grey marble table with a handful of death eaters sat there in their robes. At the head of the table sat a majestic chair with a high back that was obviously for Voldemort but luckily it was vacant, thank God! But suddenly we were spinning 'round; apparating to an unknown destination, I clutched Chelli tighter to me.

When we landed we fell over but I managed to land in a press-up to avoid landing on Chelli, she climbed out from under me and I push myself up; to see… nothing? It's too dark to see anything… how fucking helpful NOT!

"Hello? Is anybody there? If you are there now would be a great time to show up… No... Okay." I turned to where I thought Chelli would be "come on babe, lets go," but there was no 6 year old grabbing me "Chelli?"

"No but she is here… If you want her…" I recognised that voice, _Voldemort_

"What can I do for you?" I put my sickly sweet voice on

"You're not afraid?" he asked curiously

"Not of you,"

"Why?"

"Because you're not scary…"

"How am I not scary? A man that's killed thousands,"

"I'll tell you one day however now I just want my sister back and you'll give her to me, pronto." I demanded

"You know I could kill both of you right now and no one would know…" he threatened I felt him move around a bit

"But you won't," I knew

"Why?"

"Because…" I trailed of

"Are you going to say anything?" he was getting annoyed

"Yes…" then I ordered "give me back my sister,"

"You want me to let her go?" he asked

"Don't twist what I say; I want you to give her to me."

"Fine, you can have her…" he said


	8. Nagini

Then the lights went on to show Chelli wrapped up in Snake? Oh crap Nagini's here… not good…

Chelli tried to move and talk but Nagini tightened around her petite body until Chelli passed out from lack of oxygen and blood circulation. The she slithered over to us and wrapped around my ankle, hell no!

"Oh hell no, you have so better not be starting on me sweetheart, you are going _down_" I trod on her a few times

"No you are." Nagini hissed back,

"Wanna bet?" I asked

"Yeah," then I froze the snake is talking to me; wait- Voldemort must be doing something…

But when I looked over at him he wasn't looking at us he was looking at Chelli so I followed his gaze and saw Chelli dangling from the ceiling surrounded by mosps (like big wasps [it's on the DS game Goblet Of Fire]) I ran over while casting freezing spells on the mosps, then I did my huge dramatic jump… only to be yanked back! Then I was fucking tied up!

"Aw crap, come on!" I complained

"What happened to nothing's impossible?" he asked as I sat there bored

"Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried to slam a revolving door, asshole."

"Words don't hurt," he retorted

"Whoever said words don't hurt has never got hit with a dictionary…"

"Why don't you care?" he asked finally "you're crazy…"

"For me, crazy is a loose term… Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing or have a thumb war with yourself (I find myself a very tough opponent) or if you have ever had an argument with yourself and LOST!"

"Okay then… interesting speech… but I think you're lying about being that crazy!"

"Did you know that lying is unhealthy? It is truly!"

"Did you know that I don't care? I don't truly! You're supposed to be a child genius" he mocked

"There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."

"Yes you are suffering from insanity."

"I don't suffer from insanity…I enjoy every damn minute!"

"Definitely insane…"

"I'm not insane I just do what the voices tell me to…"

"What do they tell you?"

"I hear voices and they don't like you,"

"Get a life."

"Oooohhhh… a life, where can I download one?" I asked

"Whatever,"

I snorted "great come back,"

"What do you want?" I asked

"To tell you something important,"

"Are you trying to tell me I have a bug in my hair?"

"No, listen," he ordered

"Do you want ketchup with that?"

"You are adopted,"

"Oh not you too, no I'm fucking not!"

"Yes you are and… I am your father"

I burst out laughing "that was on… Star Wars… and… and… Toy Story!"

"It's true,"

"Are you gonna cut off my hand now Darth?"

***later***

"For the last time I am your Father,"

"Okay, okay, sure, whatever you say…"

"Really, you believe me now?"

Then I stopped smiling/smirking "I want Chelli back now!" I felt her weight on my lap and there she was…ha it was like magic!

"You shall gather your stuff and live here for the summer holidays," he said my head snapped up _5 weeks with him?_

"Oh shit no! No way! Not gonna happen!"

"You scared?" he mocked

"Yes, I don't want to spend _5 weeks with you_! You should get hit by a bus!"

"Thanks,"

"You're welcome,"

"Go get your stuff,"

"No," I shouted

"You do it or I will," he threatened

"You don't know what's mine!" I shouted

"Why are you shouting?"

"Why aren't you shouting?" then I stopped shouting "I'll go get my stuff…"

"Why aren't you shouting?"

"What are you talking about?" I looked at him like he was crazy, then I walked away to get my stuff…


	9. Chealsea?

After I had come back, because he wouldn't let me take Chelli with me, he dragged me down the halls and into a

"This will be your room, stay in it!" Voldemort told me

"What if I don't want to?"

He turned around and glared at me "you will!"

"Right…" I stretched the word

"You will!" he hissed

"Will I?"

"Yes!" he barked

"How can you be so sure?"

"I can make you!"

"Really?" I ask disbelievingly

"Yes… Chelsea's here!"

"Who?"

"Chelsea… your sister!"

"Oh, Chelli! You should have just said that!"

"I did!" he said defensively

"Sure…" I looked at him like he was a twat but he just stormed off but turned when I shouted to him

"Dude, I'm going out!" I told him

"No you're not!"

"Yeah I am; I'll be back later. Bye!" then I walked out while thinking to myself 'Why does he let me do what I want? I should be more careful' and with that I made sure that next time I saw him I would be way more cautious.


	10. Harry's Betrayal

I walked to Ron's knowing Harry would be there too eventually I saw the run down house that was being occupied by my favorite magical family

"Hermione," Ron and Harry shouted and ran towards me as I walked down the lane because I had put my 'disguise' back on

"Hey boys," I laughed as they hugged me "Guys, I have something I have to tell you…"

"What?" Harry asked looking cautiously at me

"I have had the worst weekend ever and now I have to admit to you that I haven't been entirely truthful… guys my name's not Hermione; no parents would name their child Hermione and I don't look like this…"

"Ok…" Ron said uncertainly

"My real name's Anna, I look like this," I removed the charms and watched as the boys mouths dropped "but, and I didn't know this until earlier today, I am Voldemort's daughter." I watched as they both snapped out of it and stared at me. Ron laughed anxiously as he glanced at Harry not sure what to do, Harry put up a hand to tell him to stop

"Hermione, err… Anna; that's not funny! People's lives have been destroyed by this… being! Do not joke about this!" He told me with authority pouring out of him

"Harry I'm not joking!"

"Really?"

"Harry, I wouldn't joke about this, I promise I'm telling the truth, believe me! Ron, you believe me, don't you?" I turned and looked at him pleadingly

"Err… Herm- Anna… I don't know…"

"So you're telling the truth?"

"Yes," I said relieved that he finally believed me

"Come on Ron," he turned and pulled Ron after him

"Wait guys! Harry Please!" I begged

"Please what?" then he turned and trudged away

"I thought we were friends…"

Then he strode over to me and bellowed in my face "FRIEND'S WOULD NOT KEEP SOMETHING LIKE THIS A SECRET!"

I yelled back at him "I ONLY FOUND OUT TODAY!"

"WHAT ABOUT THE TRUTH OF YOUR IDENTITY?"

"I had reasons to keep that a secret," I hissed then I shouted "REASONS YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND!"

"I'M THE BOY WHO LIVED! IF ANYBODY UNDERSTANDS IT'S GOING TO BE ME!"

"YES THE POOR, POOR BOY WHO LIVED WHO ONCE A YEAR HAS TO FIGHT ANOTHER WIZARD EVEN AFTER HAVING A YEAR OF HAVING HELP AND INSTEAD OF LEARNING NEW WAYS TO DEFEAT HIM SITS ON HIS LAZY ASS COMPLAINING ABOUT HIS LIFE WHICH ACTUALLY ISN'T THAT BAD! SOMETIMES YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO FIGHT; YOU JUST WATCH SOMEONE FIGHT FOR YOU!"

"MY WHOLE FAMILIES DEAD."

"Harry, do you really not realize how lucky you are?" I asked him astonished

"How am I lucky? My whole family is dead leaving just me to go live with my aunt and uncle who don't like me and I have to deal with the most powerful wizard on the planet coming after me!"

"I know people who have died with their family or died protecting it, I know people who don't have houses or any family at all or whose family actually hates them or have tried to kill them and I know people with several groups of the most powerful people on the planet after them! Your life isn't that bad; you have a family who, while they may not like you, do love you, friends, an education, a house, food and drink and you do not have to take care of anyone but yourself! Don't start with me about being 'unlucky'!"

"Shut up!"

"hahaha- no you shut the fuck up and listen to me!"

"What do you expect me to do?"

"Shut the fuck up and listen to me! I thought we covered this?" I smirked as he glared

"You're just some geeky little slut! But its ok I understand how you feel"

"Because you're one too? I know you are sweetie we're not surprised!"

"I understand how worthless you feel and how you just want to be respected."

"You don't understand me and you never will. So don't start that shit about knowing how I feel!" I gave him my killer glare and saw him shiver and Ron run for his life "I'll tell you a few facts Harry and I want you to listen carefully:

A good foundation WILL hide ALL hickeys

Chocolate DOES make you feel better

Kissing IS healthy

It's GOOD to cry

Chicken soup DOES make you feel better

And a good friend NEVER judges"

"I'll tell you something Anna: Life is HARD!"

"Compared to what?" I shook my head "fuck it… I'm better than this and I don't have to spend my time with retards like you!" then I turned around and walked away

"Then leave!" he shouted at me

I stared at him "Really? What do you think I'm doing?" then I vanished into the fog that swallowed me up.


	11. The Fairy Princess

**AN: Thanks guys for all the reviews, I've deleted all the crappy ones. While I realise the chapters are short I don't care! When I write longer chapters I don't stick with it! I do not have time to post up chapters as often as others do and I hope you will be ok with that but at the moment I have writers block so am just writing random stuff…**

"I don't believe you actually came back… what's wrong with you?"

"I honestly didn't even think of running away… I'm so smart; aren't I?" I said sarcastically

"W-" he started

"Rhetorical question! Where's Chelli?"

He smirked and shrugged mischievously "I don't know..."

"What have you done with her?" I asked after half an hour of arguing

"I give you my word I have not laid a finger on your precious sister!"

"You're a wizard you don't have to lay a finger on her!"

"Fine, I didn't use magic on your sister!"

I stared at him long and hard and finally I thought I may be able to read him and tell when he's lying.

"Did you get a death eater to take her?"

"No,"

"You're lying!"

"Even if I was, how would you know?"

"I'm a genius! Was the death eater a wizard or witch?"

"Yes,"

"Was it a man?"

"Yes,"

"Which lady was it?"

"It wasn't a women."

"Liar! Was it Bellatrix?"

"Possibly…"

"Was it Narcissa?"

"Maybe, maybe not…"

"Where is she?"

"Out."

"After all of this you are still going to lie to me?"

"She's at the Malfoy manor!"

"Thank you!" than I ran to the fireplace and went to the Manor to get my sister back.

"Narcissa?" I called loudly then I heard Chelli giggle down the hall. I stared around me at the stunning design of the house.

"Don't you look pretty?" Narcissa cooed

I burst in "Give me back my sister!" I demanded then I saw Narcissa sat with Chelli in front of her wearing some sort of 'fairy princess' gown "What have you done to her?" I asked horrified, picking her up and wiping some of the glitter off her

"She looked better in that than the jeans and leather jacket. Who buys a toddler a designer leather jacket and jeans?"

"Me, I do."

"Well The Dark Lord told me to take her and do whatever to her, ignore her or something but then I pulled some of Draco's baby clothes out and she looked adorable in the butterfly costume so I got carried away…"

"Billibideedo!" I shouted

"What?"

"Billibideedo!" I repeated

"What are you going on about?"

"When in doubt make up words hence Billibideedo!" I explained

"Well that's normal… Have a seat Anna…" she requested and I did.


	12. An accident and some piss

"My name is Narcissa,"

"You're a smart one aren't you?" I asked mockingly then I stopped "Sorry… habit."

"You're habit is annoying death eaters?" she asked disbelievingly

"My habit is bullying all things in general." I corrected "Yes, not just people! I made my chair cry earlier; beat that you ugly, dumb, stupid, slutty, skanky, hobo, bitch! Sorry I'll try to stop…"

"Right…" she said slowly

"I promise I'm not that weird! So you used to dress Malfoy up as a fairy princess?"

"Yeah, I wanted a girl… I mean I didn't want either but when I found out I wanted a girl…He was an accident… and he hit his head when we were in a muggle car once; I put him in the front seat."

I nodded knowingly then said in my most mature, genius voice "Children in the front seat lead to accidents, accidents in the back seats lead to children."

She laughed really hard, snorting and hyperventilating everywhere. I laughed along nervously until I noticed her dress getting darker between her legs then I just stopped…

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry; you're just really funny!" she broke off into scary giggles

"Ok then…" she didn't stop "Lady, it wasn't that funny!" she kept going so I snuck out of the room and ran back to the fireplace with Chelli but could somehow still hear Narcissa back at Riddle Manor… Weird, crazy, retarded lady…


	13. Catch 22

"Did you meet Narcissa?" Voldemort asked her

"Yeah, you really run a mental home here, don't you?"

"Where's your sister?"

"Right here!" I pointed at the empty space next to me "She was right here! Chelli! Chelli! Where are you?"

"I'm here."

"Stop running away!"

"I didn't run away! I was over there." She pointed to a spot a meter away with tons of glitter around it; obviously where she had sat. Stupid Narcissa!

"Oh… well…stay with me."

"Who's this man?" Chelli asked

"He's my Dad."

"Is he nice?"

"No,"

"Then why don't you put him up for adoption?" Chelli asked seriously

I laughed hard… but not as hard as Narcissa "It doesn't work that way, Chelli!"

"Why don't you sell him on EBay?" Chelli asked

I stopped laughing and seriously cocked my head to the side "That's a good idea except no one would buy him!"

"I'm right here!" He told them angrily

"You're right, I'm sorry." Anna sat Chelli down with her Barbie "Let's talk!"

"Why aren't you acting how you should be?" I asked him

"How should I be acting?"

"Differently! Violent or obsessive over the war or… something…"

"I don't act violent all the time! Sometimes I'll have bad days but being violent is actually very tiring! I don't need to obsess over the war but I will make sure you can defend yourself when the time comes."

"What do you mean defend myself?"

"I will train you for the war. I shall teach you some more advanced spells and I shall teach you a few more offensive spells!"

"I still haven't decided who's side I'm going to be on."

"I thought you were on their side." He asked

"Then why would you train me?"

"Because you're family and you are also the last heir of Slytherin!"

"I was on their side but then when I told them I was your daughter and that I was really Anna they freaked and you're family but you're views and methods are wrong! Harry looked more upset that I was Anna than that I was your daughter."

"What about Ron?" He asked while studying her

"Oh, he was more upset that I was your daughter and he would have followed Harry anyway!"

What about Ginny?"

"She wasn't there."

"But would you abandon her and join my side?"

"No but I also wouldn't go against you… It's catch 22!"

"Catch 22?"

"If you do something your screwed but if you don't then you are also screwed!"

"Ok…"

"I'm going to figure out what I want and then I'm going to get it!"

"Good luck! We start training tomorrow!"


	14. Training and A plea for help

_**Ok people, I hate these notes as much as anyone else but I have a major problem:**_

_**I hate this story and have no ideas!**_

_**I have major writers block and I want the story to be more emotional and written better!**_

_**It is vital that you review now!**_

_**Also I am so sorry about how long it took me to put this up but I have no internet so I'm waiting for that…**_

_**Someone sent me a request saying it needed to be more scary and I agree kind of; I think it needs to be more full of emotions and I'm going to make a start on writing it better.**_

_**Seriously! Do actually review! I might not answer or use your ideas exactly but it is important.**_

_**Thanks for the reviews and alerts and favorites and stuff! :D xx**_

"Focus!" Voldemort shouted as he shot spell after spell at her

"Stop shooting me then!" Anna argued loudly

"Ignore that and focus!"

"I can't; every time I do I get hit and it fucking hurts!" She yelled

"Ignore that and focus!" He repeated

"What part of 'it fucking hurts' is too hard for you?"

"The 'fucking hurts' bit," he answered "what are you going to do to defend yourself in war?"

"I'm taking gloves to protect my nails but if I get hit I'm wearing a really nice pair of jeans so I look nice in my coffin and I'm also taking a baseball bat to beat the shit out of them!" She answered

"I'm glad you've got your priorities straight!" He answered sarcastically

"Shut up!" She screamed while dodging a spell.

"Come on, at this rate you'll be scared half to death before you even get on the battle field!"

Anna paused and put her hands on her hips "what happens if you get scared half to death twice?" Voldemort shot a powerful spell that forced to fly backwards before colliding with the stone wall behind her

"OW! You little shit! That fucking hurt!"

"You can't stop fighting!"

"I was tired!"

"Your stamina is pathetic!"

"You try doing my workout then!" She challenged

"Fine I will!"

*5 minutes later*

"Oh Merlin, I'm so tired!" Voldemort complained as he collapsed on the ground

"See, my stamina's not that bad!" Anna's workout consisted of jumping, dancing, cartwheels, handstands, splits, flips, kick-boxing, skipping etc.

"How can you do all that and be so bad at fighting?"

"I've done all right so far; every day I beat my previous record of consecutive days I've stayed alive."

"Shut up!" Voldemort panted from the floor

"Get up!"

"Never!"

"I'll tell you what your problem is, one of your problems anyway, what cereal do you eat?"

"I didn't have any today but I normally have muesli."

"You know you're old when you buy cereal for the fiber not the pictures!"

"What cereal do you have?"

"Coco pops moons and stars! THEY'RE SO YUMMY!"

"You're so mature!"

"Ok, shut up I have managed my whole life to be considered the smart one and the responsible one and the one everyone goes to when they have a problem! What have you done? Killed people!"

"You're very hormonal today, aren't you? Lots of mood swings…"

"I'M NOT FUCKING HORMONAL AND I'M NOT HAVING ANY FUCKING MOOD SWINGS! GET THAT THROUGH YOUR BALD HEAD ALREADY!" Anna screamed in anger.

"I think my bald head suits me!"

"You look like a child-friendly Homer Simpson!"

"Err…"

Anna strode out as Voldemort attempted to get up, complaining about his back.


	15. Lotions & Potions

_**The only real idea I got was a child-friendly Homer Simpson, I don't really understand it, I don't know who sent that to me and I can't reply so thank you and sorry to whoever sent it to me. At the moment I haven't decided whether to use that or not… thanks for the alerts and favorites and reviews and stuff. Cheers xxxx**_

"Anna," Voldemort said as he walked into her room

"Ssh, go away I'm concentrating!" She mumbled to him as she charmed over a potion

"multi-tasking…" he stated awkwardly

"No shit, I'm making and charming this potion, healing myself, charming something else, thinking about stuff and painting my toe nails."

"Yuck, your toe nails?"

"Don't be ridiculous; toe nails are a part of your body and painting them is what every girl should do!"

"Yeah, but… yuck!"

"What do you want Voldemort?"

"Well, Anna, the time has come."

"Dinner? All ready? It's only 03:00!"

"No the time where you choose which side you are on."

"Let me tell you a story:

_Once upon a time there was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other. One day they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each 3 wishes. The bear went first and he said, "I wish to be the only male bear in this forest." And he got his wish.  
The rabbit said, "I want a motorcycle helmet." And he got his wish.  
The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the U.S. and all the rest were female." And he got his wish.  
The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet." And he got his wish.  
The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish.  
Then It was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "I wish that bear was gay._

The moral of this story is not to have any enemies so therefore… I think you should apologize for saying my toes are yucky!"

"No!"

"Do it!"

"No!"

"DO IT!"

"Ok, ok I'm sorry! Happy?"

"Very," Anna beamed "oh by the way I made you an army poster." Anna held out a poster with a death eater mask on that said: _Join the army. Visit exotic places. Meet strange people. Then kill them._

"Very imaginative," Voldemort rolled his eyes sarcastically

"I thought so,"

"Which pills were you on when you made that?" Voldemort joked

"Sleeping pills; I remember taking some, I just don't remember how many..." Anna said thoughtfully

"Anymore _brilliant _ideas?" Voldemort joked while actually curious

"My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it's gone."

"True, you have lost your mind…" Voldemort nodded

"Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out,"

"Just choose a side!" Voldemort yelled

"I think girls should rule the world and that it would be a better place because when women are depressed, they eat chocolate or go shopping whereas Men invade another country; it's a whole different way of thinking."

"Women are pathetic!"

"Ok, not true bitch! Ok, 5 words: pedophiles, pains, periods, perverts and pregnancy!"

"Big deal; they are weak and really blonde!"

"Without those blonde moments life would be dull!"

"Fine, they are weak, pathetic and have stupid voices!"

"Thinking about batting for the other team?" Anna winked

"What?"

"I just said you were gay!"

"No but looking at you it's not surprising I don't like girls!"

"What?" Anna asked with a clueless face

"I called you ugly!"

"Fucking bitch! Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!" Anna glared

"There may be no tomorrow, we may be facing an apocalypse!"

"Smile – it's the end of the world!"

"This is not a joke!"

"Wrong, there cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full."

"That's stupid and inappropriate! Were you born retarded?"

"Well, everybody's entitled to their own opinion just yours is stupid."

"Are you saying my question was stupid?"

"There are no stupid questions, just stupid people."

"Are you saying I'm stupid?"

"Albert Einstein said 'Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; I'm not sure about the universe.'"

"You live in your own little world, don't you?"

"Yes, but its ok they know me there!"

"You know it's just in your head, don't you?"

"More news from the file marked 'duh'"

"I want to know what goes on in your head, yes, yes, I know, _curiosity killed the cat_," Voldemort mocked

"Stupidity killed the cat, curiosity was framed!"

"What are you making anyway?" Voldemort leant over the cauldron and was hit by the over-powering stench of alcohol "oh Merlin! What are you doing? Brewing alcohol?"

"Don't be silly! Oh, it's done!" Anna stood and waved her wand whilesaying some complicated latin words. What happened next shocked Voldemort in ways he had never been shocked before...


	16. Somer Himpson

**Sorry people I can't do paragraphs on this shitty wordpad-thing I'm writing on. Grr. I'm almost finished with this story by the way. I am so sorry that I take so long to upload but I keep running out of ideas...**

**Oh shit... have I done any disclaimers? I don't think so... oops. 'I hereby state that I own nothing you recognise and the only things I own are some cheesy punchlines and a shitty plot' there! I am now legal :)**

"What have you done?" Voldemort hissed as he studied the freak-of-nature before him

"I made you a friend!" Anna clapped and jumped

"A friend?" Voldemort turned to glare at her

"Yeah, he's like a childfriendly Homer Simpson!"

The thing Anna had created was a bright yellow, round thing wearing jeans and a food-covered T-Shirt. The creature contrasted greatly with Voldemort's luxury, black robes and translucent skin.

"Who's Homer Simpson?" Voldemort asked

"You don't know who Homer Simpson is? You sad being!" Anna shook her head in disapointment then continued "due to copyright issues I shall call him," Anna's voice got deep and dramatic "_Somer Himpson!"_

"There are copyright issues?" Voldemort asked

"I don't know... I guess so..." Anna looked away and screamed "OH NO! WHAT THE FUCK! He's MELTING"

"What?" Voldemort turned in panic

"MY CREATION! MY BABY! MY LOVE!" Anna collapsed and sobbed on the cold, hard floor

Somer Himpson had indeed melted; his skin was sliding off him and dripping onto the floor as were his clothes. Voldemort dragged the melodramatic girl away from the molten mess which was edging dangerously close to her.

"Why are you smiling?" Voldemort asked the limp girl in his arms

"I smile because I have no idea what's going on,"

"You're 'baby' is dying! Why are you still smiling?"

"It hides the silent superstitions in my head and my laughter at your face." Anna giggled as Voldemort promptly dropped her

"Where's Chelli?" Anna suddenly remembered

"We gave her to a friend who came to get you."

"We can blame all of this on her then?"

"It wasn't her fault..." Voldemort told her while questioning her motives

"I didn't say it was her fault, I said I was going to blame her! I'd explain it to you but your brain would explode!"

"Come on, let's go!" Voldemort said when he noticed her eyes had shut "you cannot be sleeping!"

"I'm not sleeping; I'm just looking at the insides of my eyelids. Ok I'm ready to go... Oh Merlin! I've fallen and I can't- hey nice floor tiles!"

"Shut up and move!"

"Stop being so pissed off!" Anna yelled from where she relaxed on the floor

"You see that yellow liquid? That's Somer Himpson's piss and you're about to be covered in it!"

"Ok I'll move, stop being cranky!"

"I'd rather be pissed off than pissed on!"

"Fair enough... actually that was quite a good line..."

"Ok..."


	17. A Twist Of Events

**This chapter moves very fast so have some red bull and try and keep up!**

**Sorry it's taken so long but I've been busy and had no ideas... and I've been lacking caffeine...**

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**God, I love caffeine!**

**Black coffee, 1 sugar :D yum...**

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The time has come.

Over the past few months Anna and Voldemort had gotten closer and Hermione had practically been forgotten. Anna had also gotten closer with a lot of the death eaters, except Narcissa of course, Bellatrix had become Anna best friend.

The time of war has gotten closer and closer and now is upon us.

Voldemort had trained her to the best of his ability and Anna had grown in maturity and in size, due to all the ice cream Lucius had been giving her.

The time to choose which side Anna is on is here.

The time is now.

.

Anna surveyed her surroundings in distaste; around her there was no happiness, there was death and despair and pain. Neither Harry and the good guys or VOldemort and the bad guys wanted to attack her. But when Harry and Voldemort fight for the last time Anna knew she would have to choose where her loyalties lay.

"You motherfucking, insect sniffing, BO stinking asshole!" Anna screamed as a slicing hex hit her ankle

"Sorry," A death eater yelled as he ran by, Anna recognised him as Goyle.

Anna spun as she heard an animalistic growl and a scream of pain.

Molly Weasley shot Bellatrix with a killing curse. Anna felt the body hit the ground and depression flood through her. Anna didn't blame Molly though; she was only avenging her family but that didn't stop Anna being awfully pissed off. Bella was her best friend and partner in crime.

.

Harry and Voldemort stared each other down and circled the other. The two sides watched and prayed for who they wanted to win. Anna stood a few meters back, watching in fear. Voldemort had become her father in every way he could but she couldn't overlook the way he punishes and kills and although Harry had been a bastard and she couldn't forgive him, she still felt a shred of loyalty towards him and knew that if he was in charge (not one of the bloody adults who keep fucking everything up) then the wizarding world would be a better place. Anna stood and bit her manicured nails into stumps. Harry and Voldemort were talking, nobody could hear them but Anna had a good idea as to what they were saying.

Suddenly Anna realises what she must do; she cannot betray either of the two males who are such big parts of her life. She walked forwards, the crowd parts for her and Voldemort and Harry turn to watch her. She walks into the circle around the enemies, stands between them and, with a very pointed look at the crowd, she drops her wand. It takes a few minutes but eventually everyone copies her and only Harry and Voldemort hold wands, which are still pointed at each other, then Anna steps back a little and reaches a steady hand into the folds of her robes. She pulls out a knife. Harry and Voldemort stare as they realise what she's about to do. Both, simultaneously, twist their wands to face her but they are too late. Anna plunges the knife deep within her chest and again across her neck the collapses. Strong arms come from behind her and catch her, Anna weakly opens her eyes to see who helped her and beaming down at her is Ron. Childish, over-dramatic, funny Ron.

Everybody stops and gathers around her. Ron and Neville above her, Ginny and Luna by her feet, Harry and Voldemort either side of her and a few other close friends close to her

"Why did you do this?" Voldemort asks loudly

"Are you stupid?" Harry yells

"No," she whispered "I'm just a little crazy."

.

Those were Anna's final words before she died in Ron's arms surrounded by her friends and family. Because in her last moments Anna's friends had forgiven her... I guess they must have seen a little Hermione still present within her. Everybody attended her funeral; Dark and light wizards and even some muggles, they wore bright clothes and, apart from her obvious absence, had a really nice, fun day. Harry and Voldemort didn't fight that day; they finally had something inportant to them in common. Haha try and ruin my happy ending now bitches!

**THE END**

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**THE END?**

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**Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed reading and please tell me what you thought; even if you read this years after. Although I didn't update it often enough, I have liked writing this and it's the first story over one chapter long that I've actually finished :D**

**.**

**Lots of Love**

**Your humble writer**

**xxx **


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